I will not shut up, I will not put on a bra…

I will not shut up, I will not put on a bra…

Recently I was told to settle down. To cool it. To start behaving more like a parent and an adult. To move and shift my natural ways of being, in order to make everyone comfortable. In order to be on the same line as everyone else in this adult-world. In order to display the look of living like society wants a young adult with children to live like. To wear more clothes and be more conservative, now that I’m a certain age. To turn down the music. To limit my desires of having a good time, because that’s not allowed anymore. To tame my hair, my bare feet, my ripped-up shorts and my itinerary to match where I should be, according to everyone else’s imagination. Quite silly, since I’m missy… and the only one that is she.

 
And here I am, standing tall in all that I am, shining as bright as I wish, and being told to cut it out.

 
Why? Why are we told at our certain age to stop dreaming? Why are we told to shut off our imaginations? Our child-like wonder? Our enthusiasm? Why are we all expected to carry ourselves a certain way, just because that’s what other people are doing? Why are we told to live “like this”, because it worked for someone else?

 
I am not someone else. I am me. I am not going to surrender to what other people expect to see from a thirty-year old me. I am not going to stop doing the things that make my soul sing and set my heart on fire. I am not going to stop being me. I am not going to stop celebrating the little girl inside of me who deserves to be celebrated. I like when she runs the show. I am not going to stop immersing myself in the awe that is life, in the way that I choose. I am not going to stop exploring and seeking adventure that I’m told I should be done with by now, because of my damn age and life circumstance.

 
I am not going to settle into slowing down for the sake of someone else feeling comfortable about my pace. I am not going to slow down just because I get hurt. I will get hurt, and like that little girl learning to ride her bike, I will get up again, strap my legs around that bike and ride harder than I did before. I am going to do this, forever and always, because dammit-I’m ALIVE! And it feels so good.

 
And regardless of my age, or the amount of children that I choose to parent, I will continue to live and to thrive the only way I know how- by being me, Missy, Missy, Missy. I will set the example for these boys, for myself, and for anyone else who dares to watch – that life is fun, it is supposed to be fun, and the name of the game is to enjoy the thrill of the ride. That’s it.

 
And that’s just what I’ll do. That’s what I’ve been doing. And that’s what I’m going to continue to do. I sleep when I’m tired, I dream when I’m inspired, and I dance when I like the beat. I will not settle down. I will not slow down. I will not cool it. I will not shut up. I will not put on a bra. I will not become the vision of what a thirty-year old woman raising children should look like. THIS is what it looks like, when it’s the vision of me. And it’s damn good.

 
We all seem to be thriving in this way. Dancing when we want. Spinning in circles. Creating lives for ourselves that are molded and shaped by the imagination and happiness of the child within. That’s what I’m doing here, with myself and these little humans and anyone else that crosses my untamed path – teaching how to thrive in the celebration of all that is you. That’s the whole damn point.

We are curious creatures…

We are curious creatures…

I sit here and contemplate with the thought that we are all wild animals. We are creatures. We are beasts. Simply running off of animalistic impulse and instinct. Dancing and flowing or pushing and pulling with the forces of nature that stir all around. At times we forget that the forces are wild. So is the nature. So am I. And so are you. We’re wild creatures that have been tamed, seeking ways to release our inhibited wild nature.

I sit here and toy with the ideas of why we do what we do and how we perceive that which is intangible but so clearly there. We have this way of picking up on things that we can’t actually touch but can see, can’t point out but can feel, can’t hold yet can’t deny. We dance with feelings and shifts in the air. Like animals, like wild creatures, we feel all of the energies that stir. We feel each other’s thoughts like we feel the sun pouring in on our skin. We feel another person’s wild instincts setting in like how we feel a hard shift in the wind. We pick up on each other like animals, like wild creatures, like beasts.

Continue reading “We are curious creatures…”

You… that’s the whole point…

You… that’s the whole point…

Just stop. Sit down. Fall down. Lie down. Stand up. Jump. Dance. Revolt. Revolutionize. Zip your lips. Scream your words the loudest anyone ever would. Or be quiet if you prefer that instead. Do whatever it takes. Do it all. Do whatever makes you fall back in love with yourself, or deeper into loving yourself. Do whatever this moment, your soul in this moment, is begging of you. Whatever it is. Listen. Stop. Look around you. Find truth in what you see, what you hear, what you feel and just let that be. Let all of that, whatever it is, inside of you, outside of you, let that be it. Just let that be. And do with it what you will. Do with you, whatever you will, whatever you feel you must. Because this moment, this feeling, these thoughts, these inklings, the heart beating, all of it- all of that- all of this- is yours, is you. Do with it what you will. Do with you what you feel you must. Do any of it, if it feels right to you. You. That’s the whole point.

a wild woman on Wednesday morning…

a wild woman on Wednesday morning…

And so I ran and I ran and I ran. I ran through the dewy grass of the yard and into the back of the wood. I ran and I ran and I ran. Like a wild woman would. Like I would.

I threw the papers down to the ground from the grip of my left hand. I threw down the jar of my last sips of bitter black coffee from the grip of my right hand. I threw it away and I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran.

Continue reading “a wild woman on Wednesday morning…”

Dear Janne, here’s the thing about communication…

Dear Janne, here’s the thing about communication…

All of our relationships flow with the currents of contrast and connection. The perfection in our communication with one another lies in our contentment with contrast. I don’t so much see this as an issue of communication solely between men and women, I take this as an issue of people communicating with people. This is a practice that we are all learning and perfecting through out our entire lives.

Perhaps we do not climb a consistent ladder to get better and better at our communicating with one another, but perhaps it is more like a roller coaster – up and down. Some days we are the gods and goddesses of getting our point across and our voices heard and our roaring desires and demands met. Some days we are queens of lending an ear and showing compassion. And then there are those other days, where we kind of suck so badly at communicating our feelings, or being open and vulnerable enough to listen to anyone, other than friendly animals. And here’s the thing – that’s OKAY. Continue reading “Dear Janne, here’s the thing about communication…”

Rhapsody for the wild and free…

Rhapsody for the wild and free…

We’re doing fine 

we’re doing great 

as long as we’re excited. 

This is our time 

this is our space

It’s where we were invited.

We get hungry

We get thirsty

We tell ourselves 

There are worse things.

Tangled and untangled

All of the time.

On the fishing line

The fishing line

The fishing here is fine.

We dapple in a dance

Find romance

In a sea of fantasy

Magical serendipity.

We are cells 

Within a master brain

Within the master brain 

Within something too far for you to explain.

Using eye 1

Eye 2

Eye 3

Seeing how we want to see

All the pretty little things 

But really

You is me

And 

Us is we

And really all the little things,

We’ve always known,

Don’t mean a thing..

So maybe for a minute

We could let ourselves do our thing

Without questioning

And just do our damn thing.

That thing that feels good

Like we know we should 

Whatever it is.

Like dancing in the stars

Or doing too much of one thing

Just making memories 

Cause we’re all in the same scheme.

We’ve come too far

To disregard what we do

Who we are

What we know and always knew.

Don’t tell me to nap

When I want to live

I’ve got the map

Always have, always did.

I know where I’m going

Where I’ve been

What I’ve done.

I’ve been watching all of you

All your secrets

All your fun

What ever it is

It’s what we’re all doing

From the start to the middle and the finish

We’re unwinding we’re unglueing.

We were drunk off of love 

And falling into ourselves 

Open to the awareness

That it would all ring your bell.

Let your palms get slippery

Get wild and dirty

Or quiet down

-sit back

Revel in your purity.

We’re playing the game 

Whichever way we want to

And we win in the end

Cause we did what we came to.

And you may think

You’re separate from me

With your mystery and trickery

But really it’s just you and me.

And it isn’t even that

It’s all of us

Right here right now

And before 

And before

And we are more

Than we ever gave us credit for.

I’ll meet you at the door

With the key

To what you look for.

Lust and love

And milk and eggs

And booze and songs from

Another age.

It’s dripping

Like

Honey or sap

However you want it

It’s like that.

Sip from my cup of tea…

Sip from my cup of tea…

I reached for the cup of tea that she’d placed down beside me. Already I was in a trance brought on by the consumption of love that swallowed me whole. The blues of my eyes drifted and melted into the blues of the Sea. The golden glitter dancing on the waters ripples reminded me that it could’ve been day or night – depending on how I was to look at things.

For, I knew it was all in my eyes.

I pressed my lips gently onto the tea cup and sipped my first sip. It was a cocktail of sorts. Sprinkled with stardust sweeter than anything I’d ever dreamed of tasting. A concoction of cosmic dew and honey that dripped down from the Heavens.  Continue reading “Sip from my cup of tea…”