A woman of authentic integrity…

A woman of authentic integrity…

Would you like me to apologize for unapologetically being me? Should I say sorry to you now, for being who I choose to be? For being happy? For being pleased with who I am?

Do I have to be obedient to your made-up rules and self-proclaimed righteousness in order to be considered good?

No. The feeling of having to defend oneself for being oneself is an absurd one.

I am here to live my life in a way that fulfills me – not in a way that fulfills someone else’s perception of how I should be. I am not here to be anything other than me. If that offends you, then ask yourself why you’re not fully being you.

I am not going to change who I am for your approval. The only approval I need is my own. And I approved of me a long, long time ago.

So to waste my time trying to convince me that I am no good, is pointless. To waste my time in an effort to get me angry with myself is ridiculous. To waste any time with the intention of trying to make me more like you and less like me, more angry and less happy, more confused and less clear – is absolutely insane.

For, that will never happen, see, I’m Missy, babe. I am ME.

I came here with the intention to live and enjoy the wild ride, with the commitment to honor myself and all that I desire as the amazing me that I am.

I did not come here to shame others. I did not come here to blame others. I came here to live. To enjoy living. To enjoy the ride. To enjoy myself. My wild self.

I will not cage or tame myself to better accommodate you. I will only hope that you find the key to set yourself free from the cage you’ve locked yourself up in, so you stop trying to cage me in there with you.

You see, I cannot be caged. I cannot be tamed. I am Missy. I am a wild woman. I am Missy. I am the light that blinds if you’re not opening your eyes clearly. I am the Queen of the Wild, and wild I will be. And if for some reason that offends you, then don’t bother with me.

If what I do with my life makes you angry while you live yours – then take a deeper look behind your closed doors. Cause my doors are wide open – my pages there for you to read – and when you look deeper at me you still see that the way I live my life makes me happy.

And THAT is all I seek.

What is it that you seek? That should be your priority. Not me, and how I’m living fulfillingly.

I suggest that if you continue having trouble seeing clearly when you’re near me, pull the blinds over your eyes, because I won’t be dimming my spectacular light.

And if you wish to continue to tell me that what I’m doing and how I’m doing it is not right, please rethink before you speak, because you see, I don’t give a fuck about what you feel entitled to say at me.

So if I want to dance at 10:30 to loud music that makes me want to howl, then I will and you can watch me. And if I want to howl like the wild beast that I am, then I will and you can listen. And if I want to stomp my feet in excitement for whatever reason, then I will and you can feel it.

And if you don’t like it, walk away, because I am not going to change. And I am perfectly comfortable right here where I stand.

And if from where I stand I want to tell a woman I’ve never before met that she is beautiful, then I will, because she is. And if I want to jump up and cheerlead other women, then I will – because that’s what women should do. We should celebrate each other, hold each other up high, empower one another and celebrate our differences. Not belittle or berate each other in order to feel good about where we stand.

A woman who belittles or berates another woman is only belittling and berating herself.

If you are a woman of authentic integrity, then what another woman chooses to do with her life should have no affect and hold no power over you. But the moment your mind starts stirring because of what another woman chooses for herself, is the moment that you need to look inside of yourself.

Because you are here to live, babe, so don’t waste your time getting hung up when another girl doesn’t do it like you, cause she’s busy having the time of her life, and you should be too.

 

Slippery thoughts…

Slippery thoughts…

And I will rise in the morning
Like the sun always does,
Carrying foggy notions of shadows
In my head,
Leaving the white sheets wrinkled
On the bed,
Walking into the fresh rays of light
That make the morning dew
Shimmer and shine,
And my blue eyes glue to the new
Blue skies,
And I ask the sky questions
And find answers in my mind,
Where the shimmering shadows are
Bright and bold and fine,
My thoughts taste like water turned
To wine
I think, to myself
And I bite my lip to taste
The sweet brine,
And remind myself that these
Slippery thoughts are mine
All mine,
And I could share them all
If I’d like,
Or I could hold onto them,
All these slippery thoughts
Streaming through my mind
Soaking up my slippery time,
Or I could ring them out
For some to see,
When these thoughts get too hot
To be held by just me-
Yes, I could ring them out
And let little bits drip
Like drops from
The sea,
And let my thoughts wet
Your lips
Like they’re doing to me-
Yes, I could ring them out,
Perhaps into a glass to drink
For when you’re dry and thirsty
And you need something like me
To wet your parch,
Something to drink,
Drinking the thoughts that I think,
And I will sail across the grass
Like the wind always does,
Slipping through the dew
And taking off my dress
That I made with the fabric of
Thoughts I’ve undressed,
Sliding into the patterns of
Slippery notions
And sipping away at my thought-
Provoked potions,
Holding
Holding
Onto the slithering shadow of a
Thought
That tastes salty and sweet,
But perhaps it’s just the summer nights
And scorching heat
That give my slippery thoughts
This kind of heart and beat
I think, to myself
And I take another step to feel
The skin on my feet,
And remind myself
There is life
In the slippery thoughts
I always seem to think,
And if I don’t slow them down
They could sink,
Or I could let them go full speed-
All these
Slippery thoughts
Swimming through my mind,
Spinning and twisting and all intertwined.

is it me or is it you…

is it me or is it you…

If my light is blinding you,
Please look the other way.

If my warmth makes you sweat,
Go stand under the rain.

If my smile is too large to grasp,
Go find a smaller grin.

If my words are too bold and bright,
Go talk to someone dim.

If my walk makes you nervous,
Then you should take a seat.

If my talk makes you anxious,
Stop listening to me.

If my eyes are too starry,
Go look upon the sky.

And if, then, you still think of me,
You should ask yourself why.

I am the woman…

I am the woman…

You cannot stop me

For,

I am the woman who pushes

The wind

And controls the storm.

You cannot break me

See,

I am the woman whose roots

Are buried

Deep below your feet.

You cannot dim me

For,

I am the woman whose light

Is that

Of a million suns and more.

You cannot blind me

See,

I am the woman who sees

Every ripple

In every rippling sea.

You cannot force me

For,

I am the woman who heightens

The surf

And crashes on shore.

You cannot cage me

See,

I am the woman who speaks

To birds

While the world is asleep.

You cannot hush me

For,

I am the woman who rolls

The thunder

And makes it roar.

You cannot resist me

See,

I am the woman who stirs

The air

And the moments you breathe.

You cannot forget me

For,

I am the woman who paints

The sky

And creates my world.

I will not shut up, I will not put on a bra…

I will not shut up, I will not put on a bra…

Recently I was told to settle down. To cool it. To start behaving more like a parent and an adult. To move and shift my natural ways of being, in order to make everyone comfortable. In order to be on the same line as everyone else in this adult-world. In order to display the look of living like society wants a young adult with children to live like. To wear more clothes and be more conservative, now that I’m a certain age. To turn down the music. To limit my desires of having a good time, because that’s not allowed anymore. To tame my hair, my bare feet, my ripped-up shorts and my itinerary to match where I should be, according to everyone else’s imagination. Quite silly, since I’m missy… and the only one that is she.

 
And here I am, standing tall in all that I am, shining as bright as I wish, and being told to cut it out.

 
Why? Why are we told at our certain age to stop dreaming? Why are we told to shut off our imaginations? Our child-like wonder? Our enthusiasm? Why are we all expected to carry ourselves a certain way, just because that’s what other people are doing? Why are we told to live “like this”, because it worked for someone else?

 
I am not someone else. I am me. I am not going to surrender to what other people expect to see from a thirty-year old me. I am not going to stop doing the things that make my soul sing and set my heart on fire. I am not going to stop being me. I am not going to stop celebrating the little girl inside of me who deserves to be celebrated. I like when she runs the show. I am not going to stop immersing myself in the awe that is life, in the way that I choose. I am not going to stop exploring and seeking adventure that I’m told I should be done with by now, because of my damn age and life circumstance.

 
I am not going to settle into slowing down for the sake of someone else feeling comfortable about my pace. I am not going to slow down just because I get hurt. I will get hurt, and like that little girl learning to ride her bike, I will get up again, strap my legs around that bike and ride harder than I did before. I am going to do this, forever and always, because dammit-I’m ALIVE! And it feels so good.

 
And regardless of my age, or the amount of children that I choose to parent, I will continue to live and to thrive the only way I know how- by being me, Missy, Missy, Missy. I will set the example for these boys, for myself, and for anyone else who dares to watch – that life is fun, it is supposed to be fun, and the name of the game is to enjoy the thrill of the ride. That’s it.

 
And that’s just what I’ll do. That’s what I’ve been doing. And that’s what I’m going to continue to do. I sleep when I’m tired, I dream when I’m inspired, and I dance when I like the beat. I will not settle down. I will not slow down. I will not cool it. I will not shut up. I will not put on a bra. I will not become the vision of what a thirty-year old woman raising children should look like. THIS is what it looks like, when it’s the vision of me. And it’s damn good.

 
We all seem to be thriving in this way. Dancing when we want. Spinning in circles. Creating lives for ourselves that are molded and shaped by the imagination and happiness of the child within. That’s what I’m doing here, with myself and these little humans and anyone else that crosses my untamed path – teaching how to thrive in the celebration of all that is you. That’s the whole damn point.

We are curious creatures…

We are curious creatures…

I sit here and contemplate with the thought that we are all wild animals. We are creatures. We are beasts. Simply running off of animalistic impulse and instinct. Dancing and flowing or pushing and pulling with the forces of nature that stir all around. At times we forget that the forces are wild. So is the nature. So am I. And so are you. We’re wild creatures that have been tamed, seeking ways to release our inhibited wild nature.

I sit here and toy with the ideas of why we do what we do and how we perceive that which is intangible but so clearly there. We have this way of picking up on things that we can’t actually touch but can see, can’t point out but can feel, can’t hold yet can’t deny. We dance with feelings and shifts in the air. Like animals, like wild creatures, we feel all of the energies that stir. We feel each other’s thoughts like we feel the sun pouring in on our skin. We feel another person’s wild instincts setting in like how we feel a hard shift in the wind. We pick up on each other like animals, like wild creatures, like beasts.

Continue reading “We are curious creatures…”

The light that is you…

The light that is you…

Everything that you say and everything that you do is a fundamental piece of the entire composition. Every word that you speak drips from your lips like gold dripping down from the heavens. Every thought that you make in your mind has been but a beautiful riddle only you have always had the answer to. Every move that you make is like fluid – water – and yet you are the wind – never-ending nor beginning , but constantly evolving. Continue reading “The light that is you…”